I used to think that wine bottle label writers used the most ridiculous and meaningless descriptions ever known to man. All that stuff about fruity noses and woody pallettes and bouquets with a lingering aftertaste of nettles and mature kerosene. Roobish, as Geoffrey Boycott might say in between pints of ale, a proper drink.
But I was wrong. It's actually cricket bat companies. According to page 17 of the latest issue of free London men's magazine Shortlist (worth reading, but only for the weekly column from Danny Wallace), the Gray-Nicolls Ignite Five Star 'boasts a big profile that allows for confident strokeplay.' How exactly?
This is not all. The Kookaburra BladeRunner apparently has a 'high-profile spine that creates a bigger hitting area.' The Gunn & Moore Hero DXM features a 'toe with low swell position', and the Newberry GT 335 SPS (cool name) has a 'weight balance focused in the middle of the blade.'
A high-profile spine, a swollen toe, and weight focussed in the middle. If that's what it takes to make a great cricket bat, I might as well swap my SS Turbo Lite for my wife.